T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S.

T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S.
T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. stands for Tests With Inorganic Noxious Kakes In Extreme Situations.
T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. is a series of experiments conducted during finals week, 1995, at Rice University. The tests were designed to determine the properties of that incredible food, the Twinkie.

I hope these students got some sort of credit for these experiments, or they have way too much time on their hands during finals week. If you don't feel like reading all the tests (which you should it's worth it) you can go to the Haiku section of the website for short poems about the experiements. The best part for me is the Possible Applications section at the bottom of each experiment. One example follows. The best test perhaps is the Turing Test (to see if Twinkies are intelligent). It's best to read that section at least!

Two excerpts from the website:

Possible Applications of the Solubility test:
If, after having read the gravitational response test, an enemy of yours has concluded that Twinkies are strong, he may build a castle out of Twinkies, hoping to thwart your attempts to sack and pillage once more from his vast treasuries. But do not be so thwarted, as his would-be impenetrable fortress is easily dismantled by immersing it in water from Rice University for a period of 48 hours.

Possible Applications of the Rapid Oxidation test:
After careful analysis of the results, we feel that Twinkies could be an acceptable substitute for firewood in some situations. They are especially ideal since, while the Twinkie is within its freshness period guaranteed by Hostess, it will remain moist, and therefore not burn until an accelerant is added, thus removing the possibility of premature Twinkie combustion.