This is Lynzi's new kitten, Daisy. monkaaay thinks it's way cute enough to make Cute Picture Friday :).
Want a kitten? Here's a link!
Friday, December 18, 2009
-----Cute Picture Friday: Lynzi's Kitten---------------------
This is Lynzi's new kitten, Daisy. monkaaay thinks it's way cute enough to make Cute Picture Friday :).
-----Holiday Memos------------------------------------------------
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
------------------------------------------------------------------
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
-------------------------------------------------------
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name.. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
----------------------------------------------------
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
-------------------------------------------------
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
---------------------------------------------------
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
submonkaaayed by mike :)
-----Friday Diversion: Multiple Fluid Simulation----------
The blue ones are lighter than the red ones and so they always are trying to find their way to the top. It's very fun, try all three mouse buttons.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
-----Abbott and Costello on computers---------------------
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?> ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store.. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’…………..
COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?> ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store.. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’…………..
-----Google times four---------------------------------------------
This site divides your browser page in 4 rectangular frames and opens up Google.com in all 4 of them for starters. After this you can proceed with normal browsing on individual frames.
For when you REALLY need to look some stuff up!
Like after a bunch of "who was in that movie?" and "what is the name of that game?" and "what was that huge nuclear disaster called?" from your lunch time discussion, now you can come back to your computer and really multitask to find all those important answer from the google god to the fourth power. Would be better if there were a snazzy name for it like google god quad.
("The fourth power and the fourth-root. The reason why squares (x^2) are called that is that they can be thought of as the area of the square with side x. In the case of cubes the volume of a cube with side x, but from the 4th on there is not any analogy with the physical world that can be made, since we live in only a 3-dimensional space, there are however shapes in 4 dimensions called polytopes one of which is the hyper-cube but since we cannot visualize it and since there is no such thing as a hyper-volume in the real world then the names for the powers stop at 3."
interesting fact brought to monkaaay by yahoo answers.)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
-----Too Bad I Didn't Find This for Beer Week-----------
What beer should I drink flow chart.
According to this, Andy, you should be drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon. :)
Click the image to enlarge. Or click here for a larger picture.
-----Food Day: Christmas Cookies---------------------------
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, Check the Cuervoagain, to be sure it is of the highest quality, Pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter In a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another Cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup Of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry It loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves A sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can Find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall Over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
-----Funny Test Answers-----------------------------------------
CORRECT! +1 and +.5 for the little hearts
-----10 Unexpected Cleaners----------------------------------
10 unexpected cleaners
Use white bread to: Dust an oil painting. Gently dab a slice of white bread over the surface to pick up dirt and grime.
Use ketchup to: Remove tarnish from copper and brass cookware. Squeeze ketchup onto a cloth and rub it on pots and pans. They should go back to their coppery color in minutes. Rinse with warm water and dry with a towel.
Use oatmeal to: Scrub very dirty hands. Make a thick paste of oatmeal and water; rinse well.
Use rice to: Clean the inside of a vase or a thin-necked bottle. Fill three quarters of the vessel with warm water and add a tablespoon of uncooked rice. Cup your hand over the opening, shake vigor-ously, and rinse.
Use tea to: Scour rusty garden tools. Brew a few pots of strong black tea. When cool, pour into a bucket. Soak the tools for a few hours. Wipe each one with a cloth. (Wear rubber gloves or your hands will be stained.)
Use glycerin to: Remove dried wax drippings from candlesticks. Peel off as much wax as possible, then moisten a cotton ball with glycerin and rub until clean.
Use club soda to: Shine up a scuffed stainless-steel sink. Buff with a cloth dampened with club soda, then wipe dry with another clean cloth.
Use hydrogen peroxide to: Disinfect a keyboard. Dip a cotton swab in hydrogen peroxide to get into those nooks and crannies.
Use cornstarch to: Clean grease spills on carpets. Pour cornstarch onto spots and let sit for 15 to 30 minutes before vacuuming.
Use alcohol to: Erase permanent-marker stains from finished wood floors or solid-surface countertops. Pour rubbing alcohol onto a cotton ball and apply.
Monday, December 14, 2009
-----Caring Funeral Home----------------------------------------
"OMG dnt txt and drive...
We'd hate to be your new service provider."
-----Shop by Color Tool-------------------------------------------
Step 1 : move the mouse to play with colors
Step 2 : click a color to find products matching that color
Step 3 : buy cool stuff
From Esty which looks like a very cool website for shopping.
-----Customer Service Calls to God: 2 of 3---------
| Support Rep: | Thank you for calling God. My name is Todd. How may I assist you today? |
| Male Caller: | Yes, I would like to submit a complaint. I recently-- |
| Support Rep: | Please hold. |
("Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffett plays over the line. The song fades out...) | |
| Recording: | Did you know that you can now pray to God online? Just log on to god-online.com/pray. It's free and easy. Try it today. ¿Sabías que puedes ahora rogar a dios en línea? Apenas señalar-- |
| Support Rep: | (Cuts in) Complaints. This is Janice. |
| Male Caller: | Hello, Janice. I recently submitted a prayer to God asking that the Phoenix Suns win the divisional playoffs. And they were knocked out in the first round 4 to 1. |
| Support Rep: | Can I get your ID number, sir? |
| Male Caller: | 83628. And I'm very upset because I had season tickets and we had a whole trip planned to-- |
| Support Rep: | I'm sorry, sir, but your account status doesn't cover frivolous prayers such as lotteries, stock portfolios or sporting events. |
| Male Caller: | I see. |
| Support Rep: | Would you like to upgrade to Evangelical? liNk |
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